Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behavior said: “Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire …and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”
As we have been taught by the Spice Girls, “tell me what you want, what you really, really want,” is the question we should be asking when trying to motivate others. Too often we are focuses on our wants and not on the wants of those we lead. If you have a desire to help others achieve a goal you will have to help them see why it is what they want. What’s in it for them is the key to helping them be motivated. Or as Jerry McGuire says, “help me help you.”
Dale Carnegie put it this way in his book, “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”
“Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. How about the time you gave a large contribution to the Red Cross? Yes, that is no exception to the rule. You gave the Red Cross the donation because you wanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act. “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
If you hadn’t wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution. Of course, you might have made the contribution because you were ashamed to refuse or because a customer asked you to do it. But one thing is certain. You made the contribution because you wanted something.”
If every act in life is because of what we want and we can understand this about others it makes since to motivate others by what they want. It is connected to the pain and pleasure principle we have discussed previously. We either want to avoid pain or gain pleasure. Each of us have this motivation in every decision but the difference here is we are not trying to motivate ourselves, we need to motivate others.
Look at the way you communicate with those around you and see where you can change your message. Are you talking about what you want or what they want? Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Zig Ziglar said it this way, “you can have everything in life you want if you will help enough other people get what they want.” The key is you truly have to help others get what they want and not think of yourself in the process. We read in the scriptures, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. “Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation.” Dale Carnegie.
What do you really want? Help others answer this question and reach their desires, and then you will find what you seek.