I have always been talented in the area of arguing.\u00a0 When I was a young child my grandmother heard me in a heated argument outside and rush to keep it from becoming a fight.\u00a0 When she turned the corner she found me alone playing with my toys.\u00a0 She asked me who I was playing with and why they left.\u00a0 My response was I was by myself, no other children were outside, it was just me.\u00a0 She found that I would enter arguments and then argue both sides.\u00a0 One of the blessings of being an only child.\u00a0 Because of this experience most of my life I was encouraged to become a lawyer or salesman.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this instinct that is so natural is actually the wrong manner in which we should build friendships or get teams to achieve a vision.
\nNine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
\nYou can\u2019t win an argument. You can\u2019t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And\u2014 A man convinced against his will, Is of the same opinion still.
\nAs wise old Ben Franklin used to say:
\n\u201cIf you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent\u2019s good will.\u201d
\nSo figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person\u2019s good will? You can seldom have both.
\nThe Boston Transcript once printed this bit of significant doggerel:<\/p>\n
Here lies the body of William Jay,
\nWho died maintaining his right of way\u2014
\nHe was right, dead right, as he sped along,
\nBut he\u2019s just as dead as if he were wrong.<\/p>\n
You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument; but as far as changing another\u2019s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.
\nIn an article in Bits and Pieces, some suggestions are made on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
\nWelcome the disagreement.<\/b> Remember the slogan, \u201cWhen two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.\u201d If there is some point you haven\u2019t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
\nDistrust your first instinctive impression.<\/b> Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
\nControl your temper.<\/b> Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
\nListen first.<\/b> Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don\u2019t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
\nLook for areas of agreement.<\/b> When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
\nBe honest.<\/b> Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
\nPromise to think over your opponents\u2019 ideas and study them carefully.<\/b> And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: \u201cWe tried to tell you, but you wouldn\u2019t listen.\u201d
\nThank your opponents sincerely for their interest.<\/b> Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
\nPostpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.<\/b> Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear. In preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions:
\nCould my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me? Dale Carnegie. \u201cHow to Win Friends & Influence People.\u201d
\nThis is a huge growth opportunity for me in 2018, I am putting it in my top 3 personal growth goals.\u00a0 There are those times in life when you find information the speaks to you and humbles you to the point of growth.\u00a0 I pray that this day I will remember this information and learn to use it in my personal, family and business life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have always been talented in the area of arguing.\u00a0 When I was a young child my grandmother heard me in a heated argument outside and rush to keep it from becoming a fight.\u00a0 When she turned the corner she found me alone playing with my toys.\u00a0 She asked me who I was playing with …<\/p>\n